Unfortunately, the tombstone was nameless. Julia had been told that her mother had been buried in the Cresent Woods cemetery in Rhode Island. She had come all the way to show her final respects as soon as she was out of rehabilitation. She had been a drug addict for most of her short life and now she felt alive and free. She had a mental breakdown after getting the news of her mother’s death and had tried to escape from a window in her cell. Julia had cried for nights and she was not much different today.
She had already walked in circles around the graveyard, searching for ‘Maria Roberts’ in one of them. She had already walked past each and every tombstone until she found the nameless one. She was certain that it had been her mother’s as she saw the year of death to be 1987, the year her mother had tragically passed away.
It stood alone at the edge of the cemetery, where wildflowers grew untamed, and the wind whispered secrets only the Earth could hear. The tombstone was weathered and chipped at the edges as if time itself had tried to erase its existence, but Julia would never forget how her mother was always there for her. She could never forget how her mother would starve and give her share of food to Julia when their father had abandoned without a dime in hand. Julia loved her, and the only thing she ever wished for was to have had more time with her.
Julia approached the tombstone cautiously, with each step her heart raced, in agony and disgrace. In her hand, she held a single white lily, its petals trembling in the breeze. She knelt beside the grave, her fingers brushing the cold grey tombstone with a trail of algae on the blunt edges. There was no name, no inscription, yet, as she closed her eyes she felt a deep connection. She placed the lily at the base of the stone, the white of the flower stark against the grey. For a moment, she lingered, lost in thought.
Then she cried.
Julia was ashamed of herself and now she could never be with her mother again, She felt disgraceful about how she had let her addiction get the most out of her. She wished she could hold her mother’s hands one last time on her deathbed and just talk to her. One last time to say that she had always loved her and hope that she would say it back. Lay on her mother’s arms as she took her last breath. Instead, she had let her die alone on a couch and it had been days after that they had found the body.
And then, she began to vail, “I’m sorry”, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you?”. Her cries grew louder and louder but went unheard. She had prayed for her mother’s forgiveness and had hoped that she had looked at her from above. There was only one thing that she wanted: forgiveness.
Then with a sigh, Julia stood up, her footsteps muffled by the soft Earth. And then, something caught her eye. There was a patch of ingrown algae in the middle of the tombstone. She grabbed a rock and scrubbed it away. Julia’s eyes were fixated on the name on the name that was revealed on the tombstone: Lorraine Thompson.
Julia bent down and placed the lily back on the grave, gently this time. “I’m sorry”, she whispered, her voice steady and controlled now. She felt foolish for pouring her heart out to someone she did not know but then, a thought struck her. She walked closer to the grave and whispered, “Maybe you needed to hear it too.”
She stood up and walked away, her steps lighter than before. As she leaves the cemetery, she takes one last look, to see the vastness of the graveyard full of untold stories. And then she disappeared into the distance feeling a sense of lightness as if she had broken loose of the chains she had been tied into….she smiled….softly.
“Forgiveness found its place, even if not where you expect it—”
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